Counting the weeks on one hand

on Wednesday, August 12, 2009

5 weeks left. Well, maybe 7 weeks, depending on how eager C.W. is to be born. Still, it is hard to believe. Time has either been progressing slowly or quickly, depending on my mood.

Time progresses slowly at night, when rolling over or getting out of bed requires effort and some sharp twinges of pain, or when I wake up hungry and have a hard time getting back to sleep. It progresses slowly when I realize my body's increasing limitations as the baby demands more space and energy. Time progresses quickly when I take stock of my priority list and realize that there isn't enough energy in my day to check all items off, requiring that I let go of the Rudy-colored dust bunnies collecting in the corners of our hardwood floors. It progresses quickly when every week is marked by another in utero developmental milestone (according to the baby websites). I suppose I should get used to time moving quickly; as we age our point of reference for time is continually shifting and each moment seems much shorter when compared to the years we've already experienced.

Anticipation has also messed with my sense of time. On the one hand, I am exhilarated by the idea of getting to meet our son and begin our relationship when we can both see each other. I am anxious to know that he is healthy. On the other hand, I am not, and know that I cannot be, ready for all ways our life is about to change.

My alternate experiences of time moving quickly and slowly and my anticipation and hesitation have helped me understand the ebb and flow of life in a new way. I used to want to try to keep life steady and constant, but this pursit was never attainable. Pregnancy is a continual reminder that life is always progressing and changing; and I think that experiencing this reality physically helped me to understand this truth much more deeply. C.W. is changing every second of his gestation. Cell formation and growth, new neural connections, and new organ functions all increase his ability to survive outside of me. There is no hiding from these truths when an independent being is sharing your body for 9 months!

As I have come to realize on this journey, time, is a matter of perspective. This realization will help me face the upcoming weeks with patience. One minute time will feel as though it is progressing awfully slowly, but I will remember that this sensation will pass and the next minute I will feel as though life is being lived on fast forward.


hewantsmylastname said...

aww your due date is so close, and I know everyone is looking forward to meeting your son!

Just keep smiling :)

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